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Wednesday, April 4, 2012

When the Happiness Melts Away


This is a terribly tough post to write.  I'm writing this before I even start telling my extended family and even friends what is going on in my life.  I hope to have written down some of my feelings in this post, in order to help articulate myself better when I do tell my family and friends.  Although, most definitely I will be telling my family my news before I hit the publish button.

Ok, so here it goes.  My husband Zach and I are getting divorced.  As shocked as you all might be to hear it, most of my friends weren't all that shocked by the news.  My blog is meant to be my sanctuary of all things fun, happy, and cute.  Being a cute married couple used to be part of that.  But after the past year and a half things had gone sour and I hate to admit this to the world, but I fell out of love with my husband.  It's the worst feeling in the world to have to admit to that.  I lost tons of sleep as I contemplated divorce in my mind for the last few months.  My weight dropped almost 10 pounds, and my happiness was just gone.  I found refuge in a lot of my friends.  They may not have known everything that had gone on behind closed doors, but they had an idea.  My happiness needs to be the forefront of my mind.  And even though it will be tough being single since I haven't been on my own....well ever....I look forward to this next chapter in my life.  It will include school again, freedom to do as I wish when I wish, and lots of heat and serve meals (joking about that last bit).

There is no easy thing about divorce and it's the scariest step I'm ever going to make in my lifetime.  Zach was a huge part of my life and I love his family as much as my own so I would hope to never have to say goodbye to them forever.  I'm going to conclude this by stating the fact that divorce is a huge suckfest.  I might be emotionally ready for this, but the stress of everything will be daunting.

***Regular posting on my blog  should commence on Saturday.

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